The Christmas Gift
by Gramnegative
Summary: Christmas and Black Lagoon - Not a natural or healthy mix. Rock/Revy, Dutch/Eda, Shenhua/Rotton/Sawyer. M for some situations and language


**_A/N - All characters belong to Rei Hiroe who I really hope decides to write again, soon. Please buy his books so he becomes happy :-)._**

**_This is my weak attempt at an homage to the many writers and reviewers who make this such a great site. _**

**_In particular I thank Amigo, Unkept and JAS whose work I__ humbly imitated. _**

**_This also follows closely on another Christmas story by Unkeptsecret._**

**The Christmas Gift**

So Dutch, we got any jobs coming up this week," Rock asked with a resigned air.

"For the last time Rock, not only no, FUCK NO…..!" Dutch replied from behind his desk. His mouth was set in a grim line, with no trademark grin to soften the words.

"Sorry Dutch," Rock replied, his head tilting down slightly and his shoulders bunching at the tone of the rebuke. "I'm just looking at the books and ….well…it's not good."

Dutch leaned back in his chair, pushed his glasses up onto his forehead and rubbed his eyes. When he spoke, the tone was apologetic. "No problem Rock, things always slow down this time of year. Most of the smuggling got done last month. Things are always slow in December. It's just replacing that fucking torpedo we had to use on the last run. The Church is charging me a fortune."

"We could always just leave that tube empty Dutch," Benny suggested helpfully from his workstation. Turning in that direction, Rock could see X-rated images of Jane on his screen. They were outlined in mistletoe and she was wearing a red Santa's helper hat and little else. When Benny turned to face him, Rock snapped his eyes back to Dutch, his cheeks flushing.

"Already thought of that, but those torpedoes have come in handy since Rock joined us. Besides, ballasting us down properly would be damn hard," Dutch replied.

The phone on Dutch's desk rang. "Lagoon Company," he answered.

As the call continued, Rock's thoughts wandered. He realized he hadn't seen Revy in some time.

"Hey Benny," he said walking over to his workstation.

"Yeah," Benny replied, continuing to flip through wilder and wilder photo's of Jane on his screen.

"Where's Revy, did Dutch send her out for something?"

"Nawww, Revy tends to keep to herself this time of year. I think it's a little depressing for her," Benny replied, his fingers flying over the keyboard.

Rock paused for a second, puzzled. He was nominally Buddhist, but like many in Japan his family celebrated Christmas by giving the kids gifts. Why would Revy be depressed? Suddenly it dawned on him. Christmas was a big deal in Japan for single women. Their boyfriends were supposed to make this the hottest date for the year. He wasn't sure how old she was, but she might be feeling like an unsold Christmas cake.

Rock looked at his watch. It was 1:45, if he moved fast he just might be able to make this work.

He put a hand on Benny's shoulder, physically dragging his eyes away from the screen. "Do you know where she might be?" He asked.

"Not sure," Benny said, jerking back slightly from Rock's strong grip. "But I think Dutch asked her to make a pickup over at the Church at 5:00."

"Thanks Benny," Rock said, his mind planning furiously. There was nothing scheduled for the Lagoon tonight so, he just might be able to pull this off.

He quickly grabbed his jacket and headed out the door.

"Rock," yelled Dutch, setting down the phone, but the door had already closed. "Shit," he said in frustration, then realizing he was still holding the phone, "No Eda, not you. Anyway, if that's what Yolanda wants I guess I can come, but why the Sung Kang Palace? Never mind, for a 5% discount I'll show up at 9:00 and in a suit." He paused, listening, then replied exasperated, "Where the hell do I find a Tux on short notice?"

He listened for a moment more. "Okay, okay, I'll see what I can do," he replied in a placating tone then hung up.

"What's up," Benny asked?

"I have to go meet Yolanda tonight. Something about our last weapons shipment and a favor she needs. Timings crappy, I have half the electrical system on the Lagoon torn out and I planned to finish it up today. Now I have to go find a Tux of all things."

"Maybe I can help," Benny replied

"I thought you had a date with Jane tonight?"

"Well," Benny replied with a grin. "I was thinking if I did the electrical work you could let me borrow the Lagoon tonight."

Dutch glared at Benny. "Oh no Benny boy, I am not letting you host another orgy on my boat, not after that last disaster. I'm a smuggler, not a cathouse proprietor."

"Relax, it's just me and Jane. Besides, I'll save you a full day's work."

Dutch's glare weakened a notch, but he said nothing.

"Trust me, I'll even clean everything up, spic and span this time."

"Okay Benny. But so help me if I find your girlfriends….._toys_….scattered around my boat, I'm chucking you both over the side. Understood?" Dutch's voice promised harsh retribution.

"You got it Dutch, I promise." Benny's grin was ear to ear.

* * *

"This is a very unusual request Mr. Okajima. You do realize that even if that device is available, I can neither guarantee its condition nor offer it easily on such short notice," Sister Yolanda spoke slowly, setting her cup of tea back in its bone china saucer.

Rock sat across from her on the love seat. They were alone, the absence of Eda or another bodyguard a sign of the trust they had forged over the past year.

"Of course Sister Yolanda, however, as one of your steadiest customers and frequent partners, I would hope we can come to some sort of arrangement…say $7500," Rock replied in a respectful tone.

"I had no idea you had such a keen sense of humor. Even if we had recovered the device and I am not confirming we did, the repairs alone cost more than that." Her eyes met his, their predatory nature conflicting with the kind tone of her words.

"I understand Sister. However, since you haven't denied having it and since you would never fight, excuse me, negotiate for something you didn't have. I can only assume it is finished and fully ready for sale. Since you have had it for some time now, you must start thinking of it as a potential write off. Perhaps an offer of $12,000 would give us both the solution we are looking for." Rock casually looked down into his tea cup as he sipped, hoping for signs of good fortune in the swirling leaves.

"I appreciate your frequent insights into _my business_ Rock," her stress on the words indicated her true feelings were slightly less generous. "I can part with it for $15,000. That is all there is to it, nothing more, nothing less."

"Very well," Rock said, unable to hide a slight wince. This would be a big dent in his savings, but some things are worth it he told himself.

Yolanda smiled and barely restrained herself from clapping her hands in victory. She seemed very pleased with herself Rock thought, but then she paused, perhaps seeing the look on his face.

"This isn't for you or the Lagoon is it Rock?"

"Not exactly Sister," he replied evasively.

"Very well then, if you can wait by the Chapel door for a few minutes I will have Brother Martin bring it up."

"Also Sister," he asked, "Revy is meeting Eda here at 5:00, could you have this delivered to her?" He reached down beside the love seat bringing up a box with a large envelope attached.

Yolanda chuckled in realization "So is Lan Khoong paying a certain someone a visit?"

He couldn't hide a smile. "Something like that Sister, but my thanks for doing this so quickly."

"Think nothing of it. You can leave a check for $14,000 with Brother Martin." Before Rock could correct her, she said, "Think of it as a holiday discount. After all, we are a Christian Church," her tone carried no irony.

"Again, my thanks," he said with a deep bow before departing.

* * *

It was close to 8:00 when Dutch arrived late at the Sung Kang Palace. Finding a tux that would fit him on short notice had not been easy. Fortunately, there were a number of tailor shops on Khasoan road. One of them had a canceled order that was his size. The price was reasonable, although the trouser hems were held in place with safety pins since the tailor didn't have time for alterations.

The door man bowed respectfully as he let Dutch in. Although he felt slightly ridiculous he knew he looked good in a Tux, even though he hadn't worn one since his Senior Prom. With his usual swagger he proceeded to the elevators and the seventh floor. If he'd shown up in his normal jeans and padded vest, he knew the staff would have questioned him. This time though he was allowed to proceed unhindered.

When he stepped out on the seventh floor, instead of a corridor filled with room doors he saw only two, 701 and 702. "Must be the presidential suite," he thought surprised. He went to room 701 as Eda had instructed him. He stopped abruptly, noticing the door was ajar. Alarm bells went off instantly and he reached into his should holster, pulling out his .44 S&W.

He used the barrel to slowly open the door. Looking in he could see a spacious suite, similar to that he had met Garcia Lovelace in.

The room was decorated festively and as he stepped in he saw the sole occupant. Relaxing, he let pistol drop to his side.

Presented in front of him was a most unusual vision, Eda, but not in her usual nun's habit or even a miniskirt. Instead, she wore a bright red and white sequined sheath. The colors wrapping around her body like intertwining dragons. It clung to her curves, sensuously emphasizing every generous sweep. A single slit, high up one side, showed a perfect leg, clad in only a red high heeled sandal. Her bodice was actually quite modest given her statuesque build. However, as he walked toward her, a minute shift of one shoulder caused the spaghetti strap to slide down. With no more movement than that, a few tantalizing inches of creamy skin came into view. Just enough to increase her allure without being excessive.

Dutch used the barrel of the revolver to push up his sunglasses, drinking in her body.

"Is that a magnum Dutch or are you just happy to see me," Eda asked smiling. She took off her own glasses and set them on the dinner table behind her.

"So, I'm guessing Yolanda won't be joining us tonight?" He asked, a slow smile filling his face.

"I thought an intimate setting would be preferable. Besides, after what you shelled out for that last purchase I figured you'd need some relaxation, not another tough bargaining match with Yolanda," her hips were making a magical, swaying motion as she moved to meet him.

He looked past her. The table was arrayed with Thai and American delicacies, the kind of meal he would rarely waste the money on, but one that made his mouth water nonetheless.

Then Eda blocked his view as she stepped closer. Suddenly all thought of food was gone from his mind.

Her hand slid down his arm, caressing and then sliding the magnum from his grasp. Her mouth closed hungrily over his, her teeth nibbling on his lips. Her other hand slid up his face, removing his usual dark sunglasses.

The kiss was so sweet it took his breath away. Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her tightly into his embrace and returned the kiss fully. His own hunger matched hers, leaving her almost shaking.

Pulling back and pausing, Eda had to take a deep breath.

Dutch met her eyes asking, "Well, would you like something to eat?"

Not replying, she stepped around him, closing the suite's door and setting his pistol and glasses on a nearby table. Then she walked past him, but away from the table and towards another door.

"Oh, I definitely plan on eating my fill tonight," she finally replied, tone husky.

Reaching for one almost invisible silken bow at her side she undid it, and then she slipped the final spaghetti strap off her shoulder. The dress slid down as she walked away from him, baring her perfect back. Wearing only her heels and a red and white silk choker, she looked over her shoulder and said, "Let's start with the main course first."

Dutch followed her into the bedroom. He remembered a year ago and a mistake he had made. Perhaps there were second chances after all, he thought smiling.

* * *

As midnight hit, Dutch looked out over the balcony towards the harbor. Celebratory fireworks were shooting forth from the Yacht club and by their intermittent light Dutch fancied he could almost see the Lagoon from here.

Eda stepped beside him, nude and lovely. She shivered for a moment and Dutch took her protectively under his large, muscular arm. She seemed much smaller and vulnerable like this.

"Why Eda," he asked quietly? When she said nothing he added, "I know I wasn't the trusting gentleman last time."

She paused for a second, then snuggled closer. "I could just say Merry Christmas, or maybe something trite like needing to seek comfort where and when we can find it. The truth is," she smiled, looking into his face, "you have the most beautiful eyes and I wanted to see them again."

Matching her smile and enjoying the warmth of her body against his, he replied, "Thanks for the second chance. I'll try not to disappoint this time." Then he covered her lips with his.

Suddenly breaking the kiss, Dutch look past Eda over the water saying, "What the fuck?" Far in the distance, towards the Lagoon's dock, a fireball shot up, followed by a loud explosion discernable even from here.

Dutch and Eda both ran to grab their clothes. Eda thought back to the package and instructions she had delivered today to Revy. Out loud she asked, "I wonder what the Revy and Rock are up to this time."

* * *

As midnight approached Sawyer finished cutting some of the last paper decorations for the tree Shenhua had bought. She wondered again, why a Taoist from mainland China would want to celebrate Christmas. Maybe it was that book she had been reading, trying to improve her English. Something about Christmas.

Rotton was over in their small kitchen, preparing something he called Christmas punch. Given the amount and variety of liquors he kept adding to it, it must carry a hell of a kick.

"_**When will….. Shenhua be back**_," she asked him using the voice synthesizer mounted in the Goth choker she wore.

"Not sure luv, she mentioned something about presents and that she would be back before the fireworks started."

"_**Pre…Presents**_," she replied, shocked that she hadn't thought of any.

Seeing the alarm on her normally calm face, Rotton walked over to her. "Don't worry my lovely lady," he said gently, "I haven't signed the card yet so we can make the one I bought for her from both of us."

Turning her face, trying to hide her sudden blush, Sawyer replied simply, "_**Thank you…Rotton**_."

Before she could become even more embarrassed, Shenhua burst through the door. She was dressed in a perfect white silk overcoat and a red cheongsam decorated in small green Christmas trees and white stars. Sawyer didn't know whether to be appalled at the style or amazed that she had found one like it.

"Merry Chistmas," Shenhua shouted in thickly accented English.

Rotton walked up to her, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. "Merry Christmas to you my beautiful queen."

Shenhua almost preened at his words. Despite accusing him long ago of sounding like a bordello's door man, she had truly learned to enjoy his endearments.

"Quickly now," she almost shouted, "Open your presents." She reached under the tree and handed Rotton a large box.

"**Why the hurry**," Sawyer asked.

"No ask questions, big surprise for you," Shenhua said with a broad smile.

Looking up from the open box, Rotton exclaimed "The latest Interceptor Tactical Vest. This is wonderful Shenhua. It'll stop anything short of an elephant gun."

"Yes….thought it useful after seeing what Maid could do," she replied.

Rotton picked up another package, then walked over to where Sawyer sat. He reached down and pulled her up so they stood side by side. Then he handed the package to Shenhua. "This is for you, from the two of us," he said smiling.

Sawyer was again acutely embarrassed and yet warmed by his concern for her.

Shenhua tore off the wrapper, inside was a collection of silk clothes, stone powder and a few small whet stones, all traditional tools to sharpen and prepare her Kukris.

Shenhua threw her arms around both of them, hugging them tightly. "Thank you, it lovely gift."

She set the present aside then grabbed Sawyer by both hands. "Now big gift time. We go to car."

Sawyer looked at Rotton, confused, but he was already putting on his signature overcoat.

"Let's go my dark princess," he said reassuringly, "Shenhua and I have something truly worthy of you outside."

Once they reached the Range Rover, Rotton dramatically insisted on covering her eyes while Shenhua threw open the rear door. When he took his hands away Sawyer froze, literally breathless. Lying on the back deck of the car was a shiny new chain saw. It was a twin for her usual tool; except the casing had been chrome plated and the usual steel chain was something different, a duller grey metal.

While Shenhua stood there, hands together smiling, Rotton explained, "It's titanium, stronger than steel and it will cut through almost anything with ease, I promise."

Sawyer looked from face to face, an unfamiliar wetness clouding her eyes. "**So happy….,**" she managed to get out. Then she noticed further back in the Range Rover a very large bag, one that seemed to be squirming. She looked in puzzlement at Shenhua.

"Yes, special surprise," she said, somewhat embarrassed and apologetic. "Boss Chang have urgent job I need to take care of. Make example of unlicensed drug dealer, take photo then drop body parts in bay."

"**It's not…. a problem Shenhua**," Sawyer said as she ran one hand lovingly across the new chainsaw. "**I don't mind**."

"Well then," Rotton opined, "why don't we run over to the Lagoon Company. I saw their boat tied up at the pier earlier. I am sure they wouldn't mind a quick charter for an hour or two.

They all piled into the Range Rover. Rotton was driving with one arm around Shenhua's shoulder and Sawyer, sitting behind them, cradling her new chainsaw like a puppy.

* * *

As he sat in the control room of the Lagoon, waiting for Revy, Rock could barely contain his excitement. Everything was perfect. He had set up a table with some of nice dim sum, a beautiful Christmas cake and even some flowers.

When he heard footsteps on the deck he jumped up. The steps approached tentatively, high heels making a strange clacking on the steel deck. He glimpsed a pair of perfect legs in high heels, carefully coming down the steep steps. The Revy came into full view, looking lovely in the short black cocktail dress he had bought.

She stopped for a moment, seemingly confused.

Rock stepped forward, holding her gift and smiling. "Merry Christmas," he said presenting it to her.

Revy said nothing at first, her eyes moving from him, to the table, then to the present, then back to him. Rock had picked up a bright red jacket for the occasion and thought the two of them were perfect for a Christmas date.

"What the hell did you get me," she blurted out, unable to stop herself?

Rock wasn't bothered by her uncouth reply. He had gotten quite used to her outbursts, besides she looked damn hot in that dress.

He handed her the box. "Well, open it and see."

Revy pulled at the bow then flipped off the top. For a second, she could only stare, then with a blazing smile she asked,"Is this what I think it is?"

Rock just smiled.

Revy grabbed the handle and let the box fall. She stood there holding a large black umbrella, then she hit the catch and it opened. Instead of the normal steel stem, there was a 20 gauge shotgun barrel with an action fitted just above the handle. Another small tube attached to the barrel contained the magazine.

For a moment she could only stand there, jaw agape. Then suddenly her arms went around Rock's neck and she kissed him soundly.

After the kiss was finished, he pulled back a chair at the small table. "Would you like something to eat," he suggested?

Before she could reply, they both heard a loud cracking noise and all the ships lights went out.

"Shit," Revy exclaimed in the pitch darkness.

"What happened," Rock asked.

"Well Dutch said he was working on the electrical system. Must've blown a fuse or something."

Stumbling in the almost complete darkness, Rock found some flashlights in an emergency locker by the door.

"Here Revy," he said, handing her one. "I guess we'll have to do the dinner another time," he commented dejectedly.

"Bullshit, how hard can it be to change a couple of fuses? I'll go down to the engine room and fix it."

"Are you sure Revy? Dutch and Benny have spent a lot of time customizing that system. I don't think it's that simple."

"Awww fuck Rock, how hard can it be?" She said, marching onto the deck and over to the engine room hatch.

"I'm not so sure, it could be dangerous," Rock shot back trying to catch her.

He was too late, Revy had already descended the ladder into the small engine room. He watched her flashlight beam waving around and decided to stay on deck. He would just get in her way down there and this way he could bring her any tools she needed.

"Okay Revy, but if this takes more than 15 minutes, I'm just going to drive us to the nearest restaurant."

"Trust me Rock, I got it under control," Revy shouted back.

45 minutes later Rock had passed her coil after coil of copper wire, electrical tape, cutters and various other tools. The engine room had grown a spider's web of new wiring. The lights had come back on several times, only to fail again within seconds. More alarmingly, the smell of burning insulation was growing stronger.

"Revy, are you sure everything is okay," he asked, frustration creeping into is voice.

"Of course it's okay," she fired back, equally frustrated.

Rock heard a loud popping noise and the smell of smoke grew stronger.

"Hey, by any chance do you know where Dutch keeps the fire extinguisher?" Revy's voice sounded nervous.

"A what….," Rock snapped. "I'm coming down there now."

"NO, seriously, I just need to kill the power. Give me a sec…."

Before he could start down into the engine room, he heard a familiar voice calling out to him from the dock.

"Oh hi Rock, what are you doing here?"

He turned to see a beautiful young blond woman standing there a few feet away. She was wearing a red Santa's elf hat stenciled with "Santa's Sexy Helper". Beneath that she had an open trench coat and what appeared to be a red bikini and black leather thigh high boots.

"Jane," he asked confusedly.

"Wow, when Benny said we had the boat tonight he didn't mention anything about crew." Then she jumped the small gap between the dock and the deck landing next to Rock. "This is going to be even more fun than I thought," she said licking her lips.

Just then Revy yelled, "I could really use that fire extinguisher about now!"

Jane's mouth opened at the sound of Revy's voice and her voice almost stuttered. "Benny didn't…. say anything….. about …her. This really is gonna be a wild night."

Rock was distracted by the disturbing, glazed look entering Jane's eyes, but he had to remember where the fire extinguisher was.

Then there was a loud bang followed by what sounded like a body striking the hull. Smoke was now pouring from the engine room vents.

Rock stuck his head down through the hatch, but was unable to see a thing through the thick acrid smoke.

"Revy," he yelled, but got no response.

Taking his flashlight he descended into the claustrophobic, smoke filled space, eyes burning, barely able to see. Fortunately, he almost immediately stumbled over Revy's body. He tried to pick her up but she seemed caught on something. Feeling around a little bit more he found the umbrella gun tight in her grasp. Somehow she had kept it with her and was refusing to let go, even as it caught on a piece of equipment.

After struggling for a moment, he said to her, "Don't worry, I'll pass this up and then get you out of here."

Despite being almost unconscious, she responded and released the umbrella to him.

"Jane," he yelled, quickly untangling the gun, "take this," as he tossed it up the hatch.

Jane caught it, wondering why he would be throwing her an umbrella, but she held it anyway.

Rock was then able to lift Revy partially up, but in the confined space he couldn't quite get her up the ladder.

"Jane, I need your help," he pleaded, trying not to choke on the smoke.

"Sure," she replied, seeming to finally understand. Still holding the umbrella she put one arm under Revy's and tried to pull her up.

Step by step Rock forced his way up the ladder. Then just as he reached the top, his foot slipped. He struggled, grabbing for something, anything to hold onto. One hand clawed at Jane's coat but instead, caught her bikini top, ripping it away as he fell back.

Luckily, Jane had managed to pull Revy over the lip of the hatch. They both fell back, Revy landing heavily on top of Jane, slamming her to the deck and stunning her. As she hit, the hand still holding the umbrella flailed wildly and smashed it to the deck.

Like all customized, complex weaponry, the designer had not put a lot of redundancy into this weapon. It wasn't designed for mass production or frequent use. It was essentially a piece of art and like all art, rather fragile. When it struck the steel deck, it discharged it's specialized antipersonnel round. The slug traveled about 20 yards and hit a 55 gallon drum of high octane fuel. The drum detonated with a giant 'WHOOSH', shooting itself and a substantial fireball hundreds of feet into the air.

Fortunately, both Jane and Revy were flat on the deck, so other than being slightly singed and deafened, neither was hurt.

Rock, after slipping down a few steps caught himself, then scrambled up to the deck. He finally remembered Dutch kept a foam fire extinguisher under the Captain's chair on the bridge. Running a few feet he found it and popped it free from its holder. Dashing back to the engine hatch he pointed it down and started to spray it around. White foam shot out covering everything. Unfortunately the nozzle had cracked some time ago and foam shot out in all directions, covering him and some of the deck. Finally, he used some electrical tape to hold the handle down and simply dropped the extinguisher into the engine room. He then shut the hatch hoping that the declining amount of smoke meant the fire was out.

He relaxed for a second, and then panicked again when he noticed Revy wasn't breathing.

Thinking quickly he dragged her off the stunned and now topless Jane and started administering mouth to mouth resuscitation.

After several minutes he felt some tapping on his shoulder. Fortunately, Revy choose that moment to start coughing violently, throwing him to the side between her and Jane.

Rock lay there, looking up at a bewildered Rotton flanked by Shenhua and Sawyer.

As he looked around Rock could only wonder what they thought. There he was looking like some depraved Santa, covered in white foam/snow, laying between two half naked women.

Shenhua motioned to Rotton and Sawyer. "We go find other boat," she said imperiously.

Rotton started to protest but she cut him off, "NOW," she snapped.

Both Rotton and Sawyer marched away dragging a large bag while Sawyer shouldered an enormous shiny chainsaw.

Rock tried to stand up, but before he could Shenhua stepped over to him, a furious look on her face. She drew a Kukri and waved it warningly, so he froze.

"You not like Santa. You very naughty man," she spat. "This not like Christmas Carol book at all." The she turned haughtily and followed after her departing friends.

_

* * *

_

**_Thanks to the readers and reviewers and ffnet. Merry X-Mas or whatever holiday you choose to celebrate. Gram_**

**_A/N – Yes, I know there are plot holes and editorial mistakes galore, but naively I thought this would be a short story when I started. Now look where I got after eight hours. _**

**_Also, stole one idea from Jim Butcher, but somehow I doubt he feels threatened._**


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